Photo of the Week-7/20-7/27

"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them;

I will remove their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh."

-Ezekiel 11:19

tears rolled down her cheek. but she stopped to look at me. me and the big black thing that i put in front of my face and lug around everywhere.

i've decided that my camera has become a barrier in my life. something that keeps me from feeling emotion for the things that i see daily. i have the type of personality that can become very overwhelmed with hard situations. i cry a lot. not just a tear or two but like big crocodile tears. especially when it comes to kids.

i went through a period in my life not too long ago where i literally rendered myself incapable of emotion. not completely on purpose, but kind of. i wrote in my journal during that time and i said, "it's like i want to care, but i don't; it's like i don't want to care, but i do." sounds a little confusing, hey? bear with me.

sometimes its just easier for me to tell myself that these kids, the ones living with prostitute moms and drug dealer dads, don't have it all that bad. i try and convince myself, just so i don't really have to think about the things they deal with at the ripe age of three. because when i do, when i really think about the things they see, it devastates me. it keeps me up at night. it makes me feel guilty for how good my kids have it and for ever complaining that we don't have enough. it suffocates me and crushes my chest to the point of losing my breath sometimes.

i knew, when i took the photo of this little girl, she was the photo of the week. not because she's spectacularly beautiful (because she is) or because she lives in the pits of hell (because she does) or because she was bawling her eyes out and nobody held her and told her it was going to be all right (because they didn't). i knew because she is the epitome of what i run from, emotionally. if i just take her picture, i'm just a photographer. i'm just doing my job. but god calls us to have 'a new spirit' and change our 'heart of stone' to a 'heart of flesh.' that means even when you know it is going to hurt. though the bible says to guard your heart, it doesn't say anywhere to protect it from feeling pain. i think feeling pain and empathizing with other people's pain is where spiritual growth occurs. it's where healing begins.

i know i can get overwhelmed with feeling that i can't do enough for the people that live on this island. but rather than use my camera as a shield, i want to use it as a way to capture their lives and hopefully inspire others to go out into this world and do the one thing we are very capable of doing...loving others as Jesus loves us.

Photo of the Week-7/13-7/20

i remember growing up my dad was my hero. there wasn't anywhere i would have rather been than sitting on his lap watching a movie. we are just alike. we are hot-headed and passionate. we are impatient and caring. we are emotional and loving. we are melancholy and nonchalantly humorous. i also knew that no matter what came my way, my dad would be there to protect me and teach me, scorn me and love me, motivate me and encourage me. i thought everyone's dad was that way.

it wasn't until i got older when i realized that all dad's weren't that way. some were unintentional. some were demeaning. some were abusive. and some were just down right bad. and it wasn't until we moved to the dominican that i realized that a lot of dad's were absent.

i am not saying that it is culturally acceptable for a man to abandon his family, because that is not true. i have met and have grown to adore many of the dad's that i come in contact with on a daily basis down here. but...there is an underlying cycle in this culture, of men not taking responsibility for their children...to raise them well and love them better.

as vicious as the cycle can be, i always find hope somewhere amidst my most hopeless of days. that was this picture. the little boys' name is Junior. the man holding him was named Wes. Junior held onto him the entire time Wes was in his community. and just like Jesus' grace washes over our spirits and brings us peace, i saw this little boy rest his head on Wes' shoulder as the peace of being loved and feeling secure washed over him.

i was reminded once again that we can't be something to everybody, be we can be something to somebody.

Photo of the Week-7/6-7/13

Isaias was one of the first friends I made when we moved to this island. Back then, he was just a kid. Just graduated from college. Just figuring out what he wanted to do with his life. Even though I was three years older than him, it sounded a lot like me.

Four years later, Isaias has become one of my closest friends here. At the age of 26, I have watched him transform from a kid, to a pastor. From wondering what he wanted to do with his life, to leading hundreds of youth to the Cross of Jesus. God is using him to revolutionize this culture. Accepting those that the church would normally shun. Inviting those in who would normally be written off.

This weekend, I was a part of one of Isaias' visions. Cristo Urbano...Urban Christ. For the second year in a row, Isaias and his "soldiers" put on the Cristo Urbano youth conference with the help of one of Isaias' supporting churches from the States. Over 250 kids, all areas of the island, all walks of life. There was rapping and reggaeton. There were dramas and break dancing. There was praise and worship and serious talks. And I got to be the fly on the wall. Listening to conversations. Praising with them. Singing with them. Watching God transform a ton of young lives.

On the last day, Isaias was talking...like really talking. Spirit-moved words. The theme of the conference was "no soy un fanatico." or "not a fan." Changing from just being a fan of God to being a follower of God. And when Isaias began to speak about baptism and how it would be one way to show your commitment to being a follower and not a fan, I was moved. God prompted me. God spoke to me. It was time for me to be baptized.

I could go into an incredibly long story about why I haven't been baptized yet, but this post is about the baptism that took place in the photo above. Isaias' cousin decided to be baptized, right there in the pool. A bunch of us gathered around, Isaias talked about the purpose behind baptism and as we sang "Glory to God," he was baptized. It was incredible. And I cried.

It was the fruit of a work God started about four years ago.