Photo of the Week-7/20-7/27

"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them;

I will remove their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh."

-Ezekiel 11:19

tears rolled down her cheek. but she stopped to look at me. me and the big black thing that i put in front of my face and lug around everywhere.

i've decided that my camera has become a barrier in my life. something that keeps me from feeling emotion for the things that i see daily. i have the type of personality that can become very overwhelmed with hard situations. i cry a lot. not just a tear or two but like big crocodile tears. especially when it comes to kids.

i went through a period in my life not too long ago where i literally rendered myself incapable of emotion. not completely on purpose, but kind of. i wrote in my journal during that time and i said, "it's like i want to care, but i don't; it's like i don't want to care, but i do." sounds a little confusing, hey? bear with me.

sometimes its just easier for me to tell myself that these kids, the ones living with prostitute moms and drug dealer dads, don't have it all that bad. i try and convince myself, just so i don't really have to think about the things they deal with at the ripe age of three. because when i do, when i really think about the things they see, it devastates me. it keeps me up at night. it makes me feel guilty for how good my kids have it and for ever complaining that we don't have enough. it suffocates me and crushes my chest to the point of losing my breath sometimes.

i knew, when i took the photo of this little girl, she was the photo of the week. not because she's spectacularly beautiful (because she is) or because she lives in the pits of hell (because she does) or because she was bawling her eyes out and nobody held her and told her it was going to be all right (because they didn't). i knew because she is the epitome of what i run from, emotionally. if i just take her picture, i'm just a photographer. i'm just doing my job. but god calls us to have 'a new spirit' and change our 'heart of stone' to a 'heart of flesh.' that means even when you know it is going to hurt. though the bible says to guard your heart, it doesn't say anywhere to protect it from feeling pain. i think feeling pain and empathizing with other people's pain is where spiritual growth occurs. it's where healing begins.

i know i can get overwhelmed with feeling that i can't do enough for the people that live on this island. but rather than use my camera as a shield, i want to use it as a way to capture their lives and hopefully inspire others to go out into this world and do the one thing we are very capable of doing...loving others as Jesus loves us.